REALITY CHECK (rant of the day)

I wish I had some fabulous story for you at the moment, but as I mentioned before I don’t have anything of substance to discuss with you.  No real adventures.  Sure, I like to travel and I’ve been to some amazing and exotic places.  But I’m not the type that goes and intermingles with the locals.  Why would I?  Didn’t your mama teach you not to talk to strangers?  (Maybe on my next vacation somewhere cool I’ll try for the sake of the blog.)  When I travel, I pretty much stick to the group I’m with and wreak havoc with those people. Or I try to be the sane one that keeps everyone grounded so one of us doesn’t end up killing the other.  Although I can stay pretty calm in hectic situations, I don’t think I’d be very good at covering up a murder.  Actually, I take that back.  I’ve seen enough episodes of Forensic Files and CSI to commit the perfect murder AND cover it up without getting caught.  Ever.

I’ve never had an unexpected life changing experience sitting next to some old man on a subway (although I do have a horrifying story of a little old Indian man violating me on the T, which resulted in a brand new BMW for me, but this story will come later).  I don’t have a compelling tale of how an elderly woman on an airplane touched me with her wisdom and helped me see life in a new light.  I don’t have some incredible story that people want to hear about.  I’m not Shantaram.

I would recommend this book to anyone but people don’t read anymore, so I really hope it becomes a movie soon.  Johnny Depp, of course, would play the main character.  He’s the only one good-looking yet crazy enough to make it seem realistic.

Why don’t people read any more, you ask?  Because the iPad was invented, that’s why.   People who used to read most likely have iPads, which they bought so they could read more but with all the fun distractions on those things, I don’t think anyone will make it through another chapter of another book again.   Wouldn’t you rather be auto tuning your voice to sound like T-pain? Or playing a game of Plants vs. Zombies (those are real apps) than read through a page and a half of Paulo Coelho’s eloquent writing describing the color of the main character’s hair? 

Where was I?  Oh yeah, Shantaram…Life changing experiences.  I guess I’m just not that deep.  Does shit like that really happen to people?  I think people just like to glamorize their lives to make themselves seem important.  Or is it that we truly believe we really are so important?  I suppose we can’t really blame ourselves though.  People get fucking awards just for participating in shit these days. My little cousin had some ribbon just for being a part of something.  When I was a kid we got ribbons for first, second, hell even third place…We got recognized when we were WINNING. But a ribbon for fucking participating?  Really?   

Anyway, I’m not that important.  I’m not entitled to shit.  I don’t have some special skill that I can brag about in a blog.  People really just have no shame or self-awareness anymore.  NONE.  We are talking about a generation who made Snooki famous.  And why is The Office so funny to us?  Because we all know someone who is a little bit like Michael Scott… I refuse to be that person.  I know who I am and what I am capable of.  

Sure, I read a lot.  I know plenty about the world, but who am I to preach to the digital public on my knowledge?  There are millions of people (I won’t say billions since the majority of the world lives below the poverty level) better at any thing I do.  True, I can smile and say nice things when I really just want to punch you in the face. But does that mean I deserve a medal?  Or some type of award?  Nope.  I can write stuff.  But I’m no Salman Rushdie.  I can carry a note, but you sure as hell won’t find me auditioning for American Idol.  Simon would probably shit himself.  Do those terrible singers actually think they are good?  I’m sure some show up to be funny, but many are actually devastated and truly SURPRISED that the judges aren’t impressed.  Another example of our generation’s need to be praised and almost non-existent self awareness. 

I am normal.  Average—maybe a little too average.  I have no real talents.  Maybe this is the problem with our generation.  We all think we are the best and think we are just entitled to things.  We don’t want to work for anything!  Back in the day people didn’t live with their parents until they were grown ass adults!  Now it is not uncommon to see a 28 year old unemployed asshole living with his mama trying to figure out what to do with his life. Or an almost 30 year old still living off his parents going on an intercontinental expedition to “find himself”.  Even the healthcare bill changed the age of a dependent for health insurance to 26!   Twenty six!  Really???!  

The generations before us were adults at 18.  FULL STOP.  In the generation of baby boomers you either made it or didn’t by the time you were 35.   Now, 30 is the new 20 and I don’t mean it in a good way.  30 year olds these days are just now understanding how to live like adults.  When my dad was 30 he had a wife, 4 kids, owned a house, 2 cars, and still took our big ass family on vacations.  I’m 27 and don’t own shit.  I have $142 in my bank account and 38 cents in my wallet.  38 fucking cents!   

True, the economy is bad but how much can we really blame on that?  It’s probably only so terrible in the first place because of stupid men (GW and co.) who want to blow shit up.  I’m convinced there’s a whole conspiracy behind why we go to war every 20 years.  It has something to do with those damn weapon manufacturing companies.  They have more money than they know what to do with and the best lobbyists (mind-washers) on Earth. 

It’s also so terrible because of that feeling of entitlement we all seem to have. Those Wall Street assholes didn’t want to work for their fortunes.  They were greedy and found a way to cheat the system, took advantage of it and here we are today… broke as the crazy crack head on the corner.   That’s really all America is going to end up being.  A crazy crack head on the corner talking about how great he used to be before the war.

The economy is so bad they created a homeless puppet on Sesame Street! And I’m not talking about Oscar the grouch who lives in a garbage can. I’m talking about a real little girl who doesn’t know where her next meal is coming from.  No joke, look it up.  Fucking sad.  She probably has 30-something year old parents who still live off their parents...