A Fight to Remember

I know many of you think that my MAMA DRAMA entry is about my hubby.  NO WAY!  If you read it carefully enough, you will see that I’m talking about other people in my life.  I don’t think I’m strong enough or have the energy to ever deal with a Mama’s boy… I got lucky.

I must admit the one thing I have been blessed with in my life is a wonderful hottie who loves me.  I mean really loves ME.   Everything from my frizzy-as-hell hair (which he’ll never be able to run his fingers through), to my bulbous long nose, to my chicken-nugget looking fingers and toes.  He puts up with my raging mood swings, my repulsively bad morning breath, and my inability to clean a toilet. 

He is always there for me when I need him.  He takes out the trash.  He even tells me I’m beautiful on a daily basis.  And what girl doesn’t like to hear she is beautiful—even if she does have her hair wrapped up in a turbie-twist, eyebrows that haven’t been tweezed in a month, and a zit the size of Pakistan on her chin??

It’s true every female has her insecurities, but spend a day with the person who loves you unconditionally and he will make them melt away like a Popsicle on a hot summer day.  But even with all of the positive reinforcement from my hubby, a girl just gets a little crazy sometimes…One time in particular.

I remember it like it was yesterday because it happened to be one of the 3 major fights we’ve had in our 4-year relationship, 2 of which have been a result of my problematic insecurity. 

Our three major fights:  (each of which I will most likely discuss sometime in the near future)

1. Ex-girlfriend Issues
2. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
3. Pair of Leggings

No, we are not some miracle couple who never fight.  We bicker like bratty little kids at recess all the time.  We just both happen to be passive aggressive and just don’t have the vigor to fight with one another. 

The fight I’m referring to today is #2, Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  It took place in the fall of 2009 when the movie was already out on DVD.  I saw the movie before and thought it was hilarious and couldn’t wait to finally see it with Hubby (just boyfriend at the time. How he married me after this is beyond me). 

If you haven’t seen this movie, YOU MUST!  It’s a hysterical movie complete with a great star-studded cast—Jason Segel, Mila Kunis, Jonah Hill, and Russell Brand!  The beautiful man I’d meet years later at my amazing bachelorette party…kind of ironic now that I think about it!   

Anyway, we died laughing and he enjoyed the movie as much as I did.  Afterward I continued to ogle and drool over how absolutely breathtaking and stunning Mila Kunis looks in the film.   Who would have thought Meg Griffin and Jackie Burkhart had so much sex appeal??  Naturally, I began to discuss it with him and do you want to know what that little shit replied???  I bet you think he agreed with me and just took it too far, right?  I WISH!!!  He had the NERVE to disagree and say that Sarah Marshall (played by Kristen Bell) was hotter. 

Now, I agree that she is adorable…but hotter than Mila Kunis?  Especially after her role in that movie?  I WAS LIVID!  First of all, Sarah Marshall is the fucking antagonist of this story.  Why on Earth would you even look at her in that way?  That is like being offered a perfectly cooked juicy filet mignon and going for a McDonalds cheeseburger that’s been sitting out for a day and a half instead.  What is his problem???  I wish I could say he was joking or just trying to push my buttons, but he meant it.  He meant every word. 

My thoughts began to swirl around in my head and I struggled to get the words out right.  “How?  NO!  Blonde!  The Bad guy!  Mousey.”  I think he knew from the sudden malicious look on my face that this was not going to be a good night.  My eyes grew to the size of walnuts (are walnuts big?), I wouldn’t be surprised if steam was coming out of my ears, and I think I was foaming at the mouth a little.  I wanted to smash his face in with a frying pan.  Luckily, we were in the living room of my apartment and not the kitchen.  Things were not very pretty in the hours after that.  It started off harmless enough, but within minutes we were screaming back and forth at the top of our lungs…about nothing!  I don’t really remember what happened after that.  I must have blacked out for a bit, but when I came to I was still pissed and he still thought Sarah Marshall was the better-looking female.  He left my apartment and I thought I’d never see him again.

I wasn’t upset with him because he disagreed with me.  It wasn’t because I wanted to be right (because this time I clearly was).  What got me was the fact that he found the pocket-sized blonde better looking than the brunette.  Was that what it was?  I am the polar opposite of Kristen Bell.  Dark hair, BIG features, curvy (in all the wrong places).  How could he possibly find me attractive if she is what he’s in to?  But wait, that couldn’t be the reason I was so upset.  It’s not like I look anything like Mila, either.  So what was it?

After years of therapy (not really!), I finally realized what upset me the most.  It wasn’t because I didn’t resemble the new object of his affection.  It was because this was tangible proof that I wasn’t magically blossoming into a beautiful swan after years of being a duckling.  (My baby is so amazing to me; he makes me feel like a beautiful swan).  I wasn’t slowly becoming better looking.  I was upset because it was then that I realized the love of my life has BAD TASTE…and this made it official! 

It was almost too much to endure.  Fortunately a few hours later he was back at my door with another DVD.  There was no need for apologies at that point.  Him being there was apology enough, and me letting him in was mine.  I couldn’t believe it! He came back after my psychotic breakdown!  I knew at that moment, he was a keeper… bad taste and all.

*2 interesting details:  His ex-girlfriend is a mousy blonde and the video he brought was Shallow Hal.